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Another Story.

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Another Story. Empty Another Story.

Post  Random-Silhouette Wed Feb 04, 2009 3:17 am

This one is more erotic short and finished. Tried describing more. Contains no bad swear words that I remember. The worst word is panties and if there is something wrong with that infraction me or change it or ask me to change it. Do not ban.

Kamitaru
The wind blew through the night rattling against my window. I looked up at the sky staring endlessly into the darkness thinking to myself, if anyone could be here to hold me, look after me just talk to me I would be happy. Then, I almost fell out of bed hearing a loud banging on the door downstairs. As I made my way downstairs I heard the banging stop realising that whoever was out there must have heard me I called out asking who was at the door. All that I heard in reply were the words. "I need somewhere to stay please let me in out of the rain." As I finally reached the door I rattled the latches on it slightly moving my hand down to the door knob opening it as I did the mysterious stranger almost fell straight in on top of me as if they were leaning against the door. As I pulled my self up of the ground looking at the dark figured stranger. He stood above me slightly with his blonde hair wet and slightly ruffled from the wind and rain outside. As he reached back pushing the door shut I watched him turn to face me. His purple eyes shimmering as the moonlight reflected off them.

As I patted the last of the dirt off my body I looked at the stranger and offered him something warm to drink. A small grunt came before he responded. "Yes please I would gladly like some." As words began to leave his lips they sounded almost sepulchral for a moment before the tone averted to a warm, calming, enchanting type of sound. As we sat at my small kitchen table he sipped at his drink of coffee almost slowly drinking it letting the warmth slowly move around his body. We sat at the table for some time talking his eyes never leaving my gaze. After some time I offered him the spare room that was at the other end of the hallway to mine. As we walked up the stares and we turned in opposite directions he flashed me a smile.

As my hand reached for my door handle I instantly felt his arms move around my waist and his chest press against my back. With a almost silent whisper he spoke to me. "I never got your name." I looked towards the dusted floors as I felt his breathing on the back of my neck and his hand moved along mine opening the door. As he did so I slowly moved my body in with his body following behind me as his arms never budged from my body.

We moved slowly towards the bed as we reached the side of the bed he turned me around and softly pressed his lips against mine. I moved my hands around his underneath his jacket pulling our bodies closer together. I felt his hands slowly press against my body pushing my body back onto the bed. As my body fell onto the bed I watched as his hands move around his body removing his black jacket. He slowly moved down ontop of me kissing my lips firmly as our bodies pressed together again. "I want you." I whispered into his ear as he responded with just a smile. His hands moved under my top pushing it slowly up his body as his hands came in contact with my skin a soft sound left my lips as if to tell him that I was in heaven. He pushed my top up further over my head and dropped it to the side of the bed.

As I laid there without a top feeling the wind from outside slowly blowing over my body his lips pressed against mine again. I moved my head up slightly moving my tongue into his mouth gently massaging it with his. After some time he pulled away from me looking into my eyes. "Would you like to go any futher?" He asked while watching me. I gently smiled and moved my hand down fiddling with button on his pants. He began to kiss me again reaching his hands behind him removing his top revealing his muscular toned body. As I undone his pants button and moved the zip down. I slowly pushed his pants halfway down his legs allowing him to move them the rest of the way with his own legs, kicking them off onto the ground.

As my hands slowly played with the waistband of his boxers he began to slide down my body kissing against my stomach. His hands pushed my against my pants and onto my green panties slowly moving them down my legs and off my feet dropping them to the ground. I felt his warm breath move over my inner thighs. His fingers pushing up over my things slowly moving up to my crotch. As his fingers slowly moved into me I let out a slight moan. His tounge pressed against my body and I ran my hands through his hair.

After some time I felt his rough hands move up my body as the rest of his body began to move up. I kissed his lips as his face came up to the same level as mine. He kissed me for a short moment before manoeuvring his body around allowing him to slowly make love to me in a moment of pure ecstasy as sweat began to form on our bodies and our breathing became heavier. With the cold winds blowing from outside every time it blew over our bodies it almost froze each drop of sweat.

After what seemed like an eternity he merely rolled off me and began to embrace my body. As our bodies clung together covered in sweat I felt his hands run through my hair. We layed there silently for some time holding each other before I whispered to him. "Hold me forever." He made no sound for some time. "What is your name?" He asked in a cold almost deadly tone. "Kamitaru" I responded as I slowly shut my eyes in love with the feeling of his body pressed up against mine. His breathing became heavy for a moment and I felt a cold, solid object run against my throat. He whispered into my ear in an incredible loving sound of tone. "I love you." With that I felt a blade plunge into my body. As the rain entered the room through the window it splashed against the floor mixing with the blood that trailed along it. As the dark shadowy figure that once stood upon my doorstep vanished into the night. Still griping tightly onto the blade that which he took my life with.
Random-Silhouette
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Number of posts : 81
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Post  Balddude Wed Feb 04, 2009 6:50 am

Vocabulary---7/10
Range of vocabulary was not as fantastic as the last story.

Content---6/10
Overall content was rather uninteresting for an erotica. Will further explain below.

Total score---13/20
Well, this time, you went into details into the wrong places. You should have emphasized more on the guy and girl's first meeting, going into every single detail that leads up to the 1 night stand. During the sex scene, you cannot explain everything, people are expecting the sex scene to be the climax, but this sex scene was too long and the interesting parts were too short. If you want a good short erotica, read <<The Godfather>> pg 27, the sex scene was short and sweet but was very, very engaging. Overall, this was not as impressive as the previous story.
Balddude
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Post  Random-Silhouette Wed Feb 04, 2009 7:31 am

Balddude wrote:Vocabulary---7/10
Range of vocabulary was not as fantastic as the last story.

Content---6/10
Overall content was rather uninteresting for an erotica. Will further explain below.

Total score---13/20
Well, this time, you went into details into the wrong places. You should have emphasized more on the guy and girl's first meeting, going into every single detail that leads up to the 1 night stand. During the sex scene, you cannot explain everything, people are expecting the sex scene to be the climax, but this sex scene was too long and the interesting parts were too short. If you want a good short erotica, read <<The Godfather>> pg 27, the sex scene was short and sweet but was very, very engaging. Overall, this was not as impressive as the previous story.
Yea I know it wasn't engaging... maybe I could spice it up more sending you an extra special version Twisted Evil

<.< Sorry about that weird bit there baldy I am not coming onto you. Although if you would like that maybe I co-.... Yea... *Awkward moment*
Random-Silhouette
Random-Silhouette
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Number of posts : 81
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Post  Balddude Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:00 am

Random-Silhouette wrote:
Balddude wrote:Vocabulary---7/10
Range of vocabulary was not as fantastic as the last story.

Content---6/10
Overall content was rather uninteresting for an erotica. Will further explain below.

Total score---13/20
Well, this time, you went into details into the wrong places. You should have emphasized more on the guy and girl's first meeting, going into every single detail that leads up to the 1 night stand. During the sex scene, you cannot explain everything, people are expecting the sex scene to be the climax, but this sex scene was too long and the interesting parts were too short. If you want a good short erotica, read <<The Godfather>> pg 27, the sex scene was short and sweet but was very, very engaging. Overall, this was not as impressive as the previous story.
Yea I know it wasn't engaging... maybe I could spice it up more sending you an extra special version Twisted Evil

<.< Sorry about that weird bit there baldy I am not coming onto you. Although if you would like that maybe I co-.... Yea... *Awkward moment*

lol!

I like awkward moments by the way. afro
Balddude
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Number of posts : 194
Age : 29
Location : California (where I was born), Singapore (where I am now)
Registration date : 2009-01-31

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